I am always in search of the LOST. What might have been. Trying to forgive MYSELF. It’s time to find BLISS.
“Can you see me?” she asked. “Oh, my sweet, even in my dreams!”
I have this recurring dream that shakes me awake at night and leaves me lost during daybreak. Of love past…I wish I would I forget you! I am longing for happiness.
As soon as I read this week’s prompt, I knew I had to do a journal spread about my Aunt Sylvia’s chocolate marble cookie bars. My Aunt was an excellent cook and a fantastic baker. Out of all her yummy treats, these were my favorite. She made them from scratch, unlike my Mother’s cakes which started out in Duncan Hines boxes (Sorry, Mom). They were so delicious – they were a cross between a chocolate chip cookie, a brownie, and a marble cheesecake. To me, the very best part was the Hersheys chocolate bits she sprinkled on the top and gave to me to add on to my own bars. It was always a treat to leave my Aunt’s house with a package of cookie bars to take home with me. Although my Aunt passed away over 23 years ago, I still remember how much I loved her chocolate marble cookie bars and how much I will always love and miss her.
This is the world I live in. In my world, the weather is always nice, people are friendly, and good things happen every day. I always look for the positive in every situation. I am always surprised when bad things happen. I never see them coming.
This is kind of my entry for the Power of Positivity Entry – but can also be part of my Ongoing Search, which is, and always has been Happiness. But I think I will try to explore that a little more this week.
Happy Baby
My two year old daughter saw a book once with pictures of opposties – sweet and sour – cake and lemon, etc, but obviously the one that stucj was happy and sad. This was demonstrated by two children’s faces. Since then she has been obsessed by ‘Happy Baby’. Every time we take out her crayons to draw, she goes around the room to get everyone to draw a happy baby for her. Sometimes she wants a sad baby or crying baby but then she just laughs and asks for another happy face. Everyone draws them much the same – we don’t have many artists in the family perhaps, but maybe it’s very easy to simplify happiness. It makes her happy anyway, and that makes me happy.
I had sat down last night to try to draw happiness and smiles, but she saw me with my crayons, aka oil pastels and I let her take over…..
Sometimes it’s a bad hair day. Sometimes you’re on top of the world. Life is about giving back and being the best you can be regardless of the type of day you’re having!
I loved doing this! I thought about wants and needs for me and realised how most of my wants involves my sons wants :) Also I love thinking about the difference between WANT and NEED and how sometimes WANTS can be really shallow :), but that’s cool.
To demonstrate how secondary my needs are to my son Sam’s, I had to actually hinge an extra piece of card on, that opens up to show a picture of a pink plymouth prrrrowler! Love it!
Of course the main picture shows Sam embarking on his life, care free and happy and my hopes for his happiness.
I loved this week’s assignment! Thank you, it feels so good to get this on paper :) In case you’d like to read, this is my journaling:
I have always searched for my meaning. Why am I here? How did I get here? I remember being really small peppering my mother with questions.
“Where do we go when we die?”
“Why?”
“How do you know?”
“How did I get here?”
“Why am I here?”
“What am I supposed to do?”
I know I probably drove her crazy, but she always listened and always answered. I’m not really sure what she said, but it was most likely an answer suitable for a five year old.
When I was seven my Grampy died and quite honestly, my world seemed to fall apart. I remember my parents saying all the right words.
Last month I heard a song on the radio. It made me feel better. No answers to my questions, but it made me feel not so scared. When I get where I’m going…there’ll be only happy tears…
Yes, a country song on the radio has been responsible for silencing the questions for awhile. It makes me sad, but in a happy way. I haven’t been thinking SO much in the last month. I’ve felt a bit of peace and it’s a really nice feeling…
SECOND PAGE:
I’m gonna walk with my grand daddy
And he’ll match me step for step
And I’ll tell him how I missed him
Every minute since he left
Then I’ll hug his neck
When I get where I’m going
There’ll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I’ll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I’m going
Don’t cry for me down here
(Brad Paisley)
I didn’t get the week 5 until yesterday, so for once I worked on it pretty much right away. The arrow with ‘THIS WAY’ at the bottom came to me as I was reading the lesson. Then I wrote my thoughts in groups about searching. I tend to search a lot. I also tend to be a compulsive searcher! I want to change a few thing about this, love how this assignment got me to think about this topic
Surprisingly, this was a difficult subject for me. I’d never thought so long and hard about corners before. But I guess, for me, that’s what this art journal is all about – focused thinking and reflection.
I had many thoughts about corners and they were all abandoned. I took photos of little nooks and reading corners around the house and in the garden, but they didn’t pique my interest enough to see them through. mmmm.
I’ve discovered that I don’t like corners. I avoid them. I don’t like to feel trapped. I like to stand out in the open.
This entry is a long way from being artistic genius ;) but it shows the swirl and chaos of my thinking about this.
smiles to you, kathryn x
